Hello everybody! Today I want to talk to you all about different things that happened in March, not only the things I did in Bangkok but also about feelings… This month I struggled a little bit to keep up with blogging and so on.
I didn’t feel like writing about touristic places and external things as if everything else was just fine. I want to be real so I though I would rather just write and talk about how I’ve been feeling…
I’ve just keep thinking on the back of my mind how I would want to have it all sort it out already:
Never miss a day posting at social media or my blog because I want to get better at marketing and sharing my content; learn more about photo and video filming, practice and improve my painting, writing and singing, editing, etc.
Also I want to cook for myself and be creative while doing so. Giving my best at work and exploring new places.
I just want to do it all!
Since I was in Mexico I always used to be the type of person that was bussy all the time with social and scholarship service, work, school, extracurricular activities, etc and wanting to give time to hobbies as well.
By the time I was at university I had this overcharge of activities as an excuse for not being able to peruse my hobbies and work on my personal projects as much. Just in my last tetra I started enjoying things like singing again.
I grew up in my university years to become a person who’s comfort zone is not being in a comfort zone so now when I want be lazy I feel uncomfortable.
This should be a good thing always, not being comfortable with being “mediocre” if you will, and seek to be better.
Still, there’s a lot of things I want to do and by rushing myself I’m feeling I’m getting behind in what I want to do and time is passing by even tho objectively I’m way ahead and I’ve accomplish so much.
Coming to Thailand, starting adult life and being able to make my own decisions sure makes it much more relaxing and easy but now having the full responsibility for oneself and trying to do things right is a big commitment like rasing a child but that child is actually you. When you are alone, you’re reevaluating your values, interests, the way you do things every day and the bigger frame decisions.
How do you want your future life to be, the plans, the projects, the adventures, the decisions…
I would like to know it all and dominate all the skills needed but I know life is not like that. I have to remind myself that it’s human to not have it all sort it out.
Even more for me at my age and in this moment of life, when, in reality, I’m just starting to build.
I think I should learn and concentrate on enjoying more everyday and don’t think about the goals always, sure you have to work on them everyday and try to develop your skills but the very basic purpose of life is to accomplish nothing else but living and to live for real you have to be in the moment, not with your head in future plans.
You should just focus on your everyday tasks and see the results as you go further without waiting for them to come, just letting be…
That feeling and need for greatness is good but can block you and prevent you from being creative and act as you go and desire.
For me, I have a lot of content and ideas already done, but I don’t share because I want them to be perfect, on time, on spot, quality for my future self standards but ill never get there if I dont let me experience their full essence and performance if they’re not shared.
You can’t plan everything and expect for it to work if you dont have de courage to start doing it and see what happens.
If you havent done it before, you’re probably have to do it several times until you get it right and thats how its suppose to be.
“Mistakes are just proof that you’re trying.”
I just need to keep working on being and enjoying the moment, I’ve consciously decided to have a lifestyle, to peruse passions and interests that are not the most common or secure thing to do and its scary to not have a preset dictated to-do list as traditional lifestyles could be…
Staying in my hometown, getting an office job, having a significant other to care for me, raise a family and being steady with everyday basic sources of entertainment and satisfaction like Netflix, Youtube and snacks at home.
I’m aiming for bigger things, bigger knowledge of myself and the world around me, creating and not just consuming what I’m being given.
Even tho now a days freelancers, digital nomads, travelers, artists and bloggers are becoming a more common thing its not easy to see it all clearly when you’ve being raised and surrounded by the traditional way of doing things.
So the confusion and wandering is always around at every move.
Today I wanted to express the feelings I’ve been having in hope that it would be helpful for somebody who’s going through the same thing and in general to document the pure reality about life, growing up and travel.
I’ll talk about this and other challenges I’ve being having a little bit more in the future.
For now I hope you liked this post and if you have ever felt this way let me know in the comments so that we can share some thoughts. See you next week for my March experiences in Bangkok!
Cecy Esparza 